One year.

Today marks one year since I signed the papers to live in my own home, with my kids, knowing it would be safe and happy. A place no one could hurt any of us in, and a place I would be able to heal. Today is also the day the house I grew up in... Continue Reading →

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egg shells.

I cant do anything right. Nothing. I will be the best I can and give him no reason to be cruel to me and then he will bring up something from my past he doesn't like and use that as ammunition to make me cry. This is daily. I was really caring and patient with... Continue Reading →

Fooling myself.

At a certain point in recovery you start understanding what works and what doesn't. You have done it all. Blurred lines get a little more clear. People to be around...situations you can handle being a part of...the amount of other people's stress you can take on. Ive learned alot this year. I am extremely proud... Continue Reading →

Birthday.

My birthday is tomorrow. It's usually on Thanksgiving. I used to love birthdays. I always felt like it was your special day, the only day to really celebrate yourself. Since what happened birthdays have been different. The first birthday after I cried all day. I literally couldn't stop. All i could think about was "I... Continue Reading →

Black hole.

For most of this journey I thought the biggest thing I had to overcome was myself. I've spent countless hours, everyday, doing everything I can to improve my mental state. Little things that make a big difference, such as: -Keeping my house clean. -Making my bed everyday. -Listening to happy music. -Reading personal development. -Being... Continue Reading →

Arrival.

You make choices everyday. From the moment you wake up until what you think about before you go to sleep. For most of my life I have chosen not to be happy. I wanted to feel all my pain and really just sink into those feelings and pity myself. I kept track of everything that... Continue Reading →

Its in the details.

When I write in here, i feel like im writing to him. Getting it all out. I haven't been writing because most of the time im not sure even trying to get closure to something you cant is healthy. I try to pretend it never happened. UNTIL it pops up everywhere. Every single little part... Continue Reading →

It’s not that hard.

It's kind of a requirement to be kind to the person you're seeing. Heres what i know: -If they hold things over your head to be right- they don't love you. -If they bring up things from the past that have been sorted out just because they don't want what they did to be wrong-... Continue Reading →

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